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Being a parent often means enduring bad moods and roller coaster emotions, especially if you have a toddler or a teenager! And while I’m not at the teenager stage yet, I definitely have experience with the “threenager” stage, as I currently have a 3-year-old! Today I’d like to focus particularly on the 3-5 age range, as this can often be a time when children are struggling with big emotions and how to process them.
Typical Emotions of Toddlers
First, let’s take a look at what’s typically happening in terms of emotional development at this age.
Your 3-4 year old may:
-Have high emotions
-Have little impulse control
-Resort to biting or hitting when frustrated
-Not understand delayed gratification
By age 5 your child likely:
-Shows signs of empathy (comforting a friend who is hurt)
-Can talk about his or her feelings
-Can take turns and wait (somewhat) patiently
5 Simple Tips for Managing Your Toddler’s Mood Swings
As you can see, there are huge leaps in emotional development between 3-5, so no wonder your child has big mood changes! While there is often not much you can do about a bad mood other than riding it out, I have found that there are a few tricks that often help break your little one out of their funk.
I’d love to share my five simple steps for managing your toddler’s mood swings.
Empathize
While it is often difficult to be understanding when your 4-year-old is melting down over the color of his cup, a little empathy can go a long way. Get down on your child’s level and give them some words of understanding. It doesn’t matter if YOU think their tantrum is ridiculous, what matters is that you validate their feelings. Saying something like, “I can see how upset you are. You really wanted the green cup and it’s in the dishwasher. It’s so hard when you don’t get what you want.”
Maintain Boundaries
While it is important to be understanding, it’s equally as important to be clear about your expectations in terms of their behavior. For example, it’s OK to be in a bad mood, but it’s not OK to hit your brother. Children need to understand that even when emotions are high, our boundaries do not shift.
Remain Calm
When your child is in a terrible mood and acting out, it can be hard not to get sucked in. However, just as children need to see that our boundaries don’t change, they also need to see that their bad mood does not control everyone else’s behavior. Maintaining a calming presence and attitude helps your child to see that you are in control and can manage whatever they throw at you (emotionally, not literally)!
Give Them Space
Sometimes when you are in a bad mood, you just want to be left alone. That’s OK! Once you’ve checked in with your child, it’s OK to just leave them alone for a while. It’s important for kids to have time to process their emotions. Having a special space for your child to go can be helpful, like a bean bag chair with a basket of books or a calm down jar. I love this pack of calming toys from Amazon, and there are a number of great books to have on hand. Some I recommend are: I Can Handle It, Little Monkey Calms Down, and Little Elephant Listens. At first, you will have to really encourage them to go to that space. But as your child becomes more attuned to their emotions, they will gravitate towards their calming space without you having to prompt them!
Have Some Go-To Bad Mood Busters
During a time when your child is not moody, come up with a list of things that they love, whether it be activities, songs, food, books, or otherwise. Create a big list together of things that make them happy, and hang it somewhere easily accessible. The next time a bad mood strikes, break out the list and pick something from it! Some great ideas include a bath, blowing bubbles, having a dance party, baking cookies, taking a walk, and painting. Obviously, your child’s list will be as unique as they are- have fun creating it together!
Resources to Manage Your Toddler’s Mood Swings
I’d also love to share with you some of my favorite resources:
5-pt scales
These are a great tool for helping children with their emotional regulation. I find this scale really helpful for kids to identify their levels of emotions and understand that not all emotions require the same type of big reactions.
Zones of Regulation
This is a great resource packed with information! Once your child has identified that they are having a big emotion, you can help them figure out tools to work on it. It’s important to teach your child that all emotions are OK. Just sometimes the ways that we express emotions are not appropriate for certain situations.
Calmer Easier Happier Parenting
This is an overall great parenting book, and it talks a lot about validating the child’s emotions, but not giving in. As I mentioned above, all emotions are OK and should be validated!
I’d love to hear from you if you have tried these strategies to manage your toddler’s mood swings, or have any others that work well for managing mood swings! Please join us in our FREE Facebook community to share.
I’d also love to help you if you are struggling with any aspect of parenting, including managing mood swings! If you would like to set up a free consultation to discuss your concerns, please reach out! I would love to help you determine your child’s individual needs. We are here to support you as you help your child blossom!
If you enjoyed reading 5 Simple Tips for Managing Your Toddler’s Mood Swings, you might also enjoy reading:
Promoting Your Baby’s Social-Emotional Development
Emotional Regulation for Kids With Autism
