‘Share!’
‘Give it to your brother! He’s crying’
This is what you should NOT be saying when you are trying to encourage sharing in kids.
Sharing is something that is important to me because I have two kids. I know what’s it’s like to encourage sharing in kids. It can hard.
But sharing is an important life skill for your kid to take well beyond in their life.
Why Sharing is Important?
Sharing is important because it teaches generosity, fairness, and compromise. It teaches our children how to negotiate and cope with disappointment.
It is through sharing that children learn to advocate for themselves. Sharing is delayed gratification.
‘Maybe I don’t have it right now, but I can have it later.’
Sharing is more than just playing. It’s more about teaching them to work together and respect other kid’s needs.
Sharing in Different Age Groups
Sharing will be different in two-year-old when compared to your five-year-old
How our kids share as little toddlers and how are kids share as teenagers are not the same.
A couple of things to consider is where your child is when it comes to an understanding of themselves and others. Their ability to cope also factors in.
Sharing in Toddlers
Toddlers under the age of 2 have a hard time sharing. Developmentally speaking, they are the center of their universe.
Everything is ‘Mine!’
They don’t understand others have a different perspective. But that doesn’t mean we don’t start teaching sharing. We have to start teaching the concept of sharing with our toddlers.
But at the same time, we shouldn’t have the same expectations of sharing in toddlers. Start with modeling good behavior. ‘Share’ toys and food with them.
Sharing in Pre-schoolers
The next age group is pre-schoolers. That’s kids between the age of 3-5 years. Our pre-schoolers are starting to learn and understand turn-taking and sharing.
If we didn’t introduce sharing earlier on, it might be a little challenging. At this time, your child is starting to understand that he is a different person. But that doesn’t mean they understand it. They still like the word ‘Mine’. But they are starting to understand the concept.
Create mini opportunities to share. Play catch. Keep the groups small so that they get their turn with lots of repetitions.
Sharing in school-going children
The next group is school-age children. This is when they should be practicing to integrate sharing in their everyday lives. They have a better understanding of themselves. Sharing might still be hard, especially with a favorite item. This is the time when they would hopefully start understanding the concept. If not, we should look at how we go back to those concepts.
Don’t avoid playdates because your child doesn’t share. If your two-year-old isn’t doing really well with sharing, don’t stress out. It’s okay.
Misconception on Sharing in Kids
I see a lot of times when a child goes up to another kid playing with a ball. He snatches it and saying ‘Share!’
That’s not sharing.
There are a few misconceptions regarding sharing in kids. I’d like to talk about them too:
Everything doesn’t need to be shared
I won’t share my car with everyone. Some things are off-limits. Give your child the same opportunity. Our children should also have some things that are allowed to be off-limits.
It doesn’t need to happen the moment it is requested
You can’t expect to enter a game, and be given the ball right away. You might get the ball, but you need to wait for it, or you might have to trade it something. Work on the delayed gratification.
We can’t force sharing
We are trying to encourage our children to be generous. If we force them to be generous, it might have the opposite effect.
Parents don’t have to step in all the time
Parenting is more about the long game. Don’t try to make your child happy in the moment. Help them cope up with emotions. If a child is playing with a toy, and another child comes over and says he want it. You can’t jump in and say, ‘Hey, time to give up the toy’. That’s not the concept we are trying to teach. You are teaching them that there is no need to negotiate or problem solve. Don’t be there to meditate all the time. Instead, encourage children to talk to each other and come up with a solution.
Stress-Free Ways to Encourage Sharing in Kids
I have 10 strategies you can put into action to encourage sharing in kids:
Model Good Sharing
You might have to get down on the floor, to teach them how to share. When you have something good, share it with your kids. ‘Hey, can I share it with you?’
Create opportunities
Create opportunities to share. Don’t bring out the same toys when you play with your child. That’s parallel playing.
Get out two different toys. Let them play with the ball, and while you play with the blocks. Take turns. Exchange after five minutes. Make sure that your child gets lots of opportunities to play with both items.
Give Descriptive Praise.
Replace ‘Good job’ with, ‘Oh, It’s so nice of you to share your cookies with me. It makes me really happy.’
Tell them specifically what exactly you like. Children love praise. They seek it out. They want to make their parent happy. So, make sure you give them lots of praise while you encourage sharing in kids.
Prepare them
If there is going to be an opportunity for sharing, let them know in advance. For instance, when they are going to school or another child is going over for a play date, get them ready. When a child knows he has to share, he is more open to the concept.
Toys can be off-limits
Let them know they can have a few items that they don’t to share. Items that are too precious. These items can change from time to time.
‘If you don’t want to share it, you might want to keep your toy in a special place’.
Create that special place. We have to respect that. If they forget to put it in that special place, the toy might be fair game.
Time-out for toys
If there is a specific item that is causing conflict, you might want to remove it from the situation.
Maybe that item isn’t good for sharing. Put in time-out until the children are ready to share it.
Let them create solutions
I took my kids to pool the other day. We had one special floaty. Because my kids knew that if they had to play, they would have to share, they came up with their own idea.
‘I get the floaty for one minute, and then you get the floaty for one minute’
Personally, I thought that was ridiculous. Too much switching over.
But, I removed myself from the situation and let them work on the solution. They had so much fun!
Create Visual Limits
If your child can’t come up with a solution for sharing, help them come up with one. You can use timers in the beginning. Set the timer to ring in 5 minutes. Once the timer rings, toys need to be exchanged.
Timers are very objective. Your child will be able to see when it is his time to play. There is no fighting once the timer beeps.
Provide Emotional Support
Even with all these strategies, there will be times when your child is upset because he wants his turn now. There might be some crying and whining. But that’s okay.
It’s okay to be upset. It helps them cope with disappointment.
During that time, be there with your child. Use soothing words. ‘I know it’s hard. Waiting is hard’. Hug them. Offer them an alternate toy. Give them a drink.
It might be hard the first few times, but it will get easier with time.
Offer Corrective Feedback
But, not at the moment. If your child is having a hard time sharing on a playdate, that’s not the time to scold them. For older kids, it’s a good idea to talk them through that particular situation. You might want to sit down with them later. Role-play them through with how to do it differently.
As always, I hope this article will help you encourage sharing in kids. If you notice your child struggling and these strategies aren’t helping, I would love to help you determine your child’s individual needs. Please reach out to set up a free consultation. We are here to support you as you help your child blossom!
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If you enjoyed reading 10 Stree-free Ways to Encourage Sharing in Kids, you might also enjoy reading:
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